A Dream Farewell

"Are you… Dead?"

"Yes. I am."

"How do you feel?"

"I don't know… I can't…I'm a bit cold."

"Cold?"

"Yes, cold. I feel cold. My hands are cold. My… I could use a jacket."

"Is that all you feel? Just cold?"

"No."

"No? What do you mean? Is there something else affecting you?"

"Yes. I feel…I feel full and empty at the same time. That must sound ridiculous."

"Well no, but could you explain that a little more?"

"Physically I feel full, kind of like after a big meal, but not the uncomfortable kind. More like full from experience. Like having lived a BIG life."

"I see. Please, go on."

"Yet I feel empty, like I can feel a loss inside of me like something has been wrenched from me. Like someone has died."

"But someone has died. You!"

"I know."

"Do you still feel emotion? "

"Like do I miss living? Yes. I feel emotion."

"Not just living. Do you feel pain? Are you hurting? Pardon my prying but you are in a rather unique situation, something I know nothing about."

"I understand. Yes, I feel an ache all over. My heart especially is excruciatingly sore right now and I am grieved, terribly grieved. But… I am also angry."

"Angry?"

"I am angry at myself for … leaving."

"Leaving? But it wasn't your fault…"

"But it is. I'm, I was foolish. I have crushed souls by leaving."

"I can't imagine what that pain is like."

"It's better that you don't try."

"Is there any comfort for you though? I mean, do you believe…"

"In God?"

"Yes. Are you spiritual? Are you in…is there a bright light where you are?"

"I believe in God. Yes. But I can't seen any light. It's kind of dimly lit here."

"Where is here?"

"Ha, I don't know. I guess here is not there where you are."

"Understood. Have you… will you speak to God? Do you think He knows you're there?"

"Yes."

"I'm sorry. Yes you've spoken with Him?"

"Yes He knows."

"How do you know that? Did He speak to you? Can you hear His voice?"

"Voice? No it's not a … voice. But He has reached me."

"Um, okay."

"I know it's difficult to understand but I know He's there, here, nearby."

"I'm sorry, I must ask again HOW do you know this?"

"I know because He doesn't blame me."

"Blame you? For what? Dying?"

"Yes."

"Wow. But what about all those you've left behind?"

"What about them?"

"Don't you think they might blame you?"

"They might, but they'll be alright."

"How do you know? I don't think you realize…"

"I know. And you don't need to know. That… isn't your business really."

"Well okay then. I won't push you."

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry? Sorry for what?"

"I must go."

"But I… I haven't learned enough. I still have questions for you. Please stay a little while longer?"

"I'm afraid I can't answer anything else. It isn't my place."

"But…"

"I'm sorry. Thank you for this moment though."

"Wait! No. I want to…"

"Good bye."

"No please just…"

"I have to go. I see the light."

"You…. do?"

"Yes. Good bye."

"Ok. Good bye. And…. thank you."

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peekiequeen dialogue c. December 2, 2013

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